As a big-and-tall gay guy of a certain age, I’m well aware I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I also know that, for some, I’m the whole tea kettle. Which can be fun, if a little awkward, depending on the level of mutual attraction and chemistry.
Tipping my pinky toe back into the dating pool recently, I was quickly reminded how confusing, disappointing, vulnerable, and unexpectedly wonderful the water can feel.
One minute, dating is exciting and full of possibility. The next, it’s cold, disorienting, and a little exhausting. You go in hoping for connection and come out wondering how something that seems so simple on paper can feel so complicated in real life.
Almost without exception, the guys I’m attracted to aren’t attracted to me. And vice versa. Whether it’s timing, chemistry, availability, emotional readiness, or geography, something usually feels slightly off.
I’ve always thought of dating as a bit like the lottery. You can’t win if you don’t play. But playing doesn’t guarantee you’ll “win” either. So I keep showing up and try not to take my lack of luck too personally. And I do my best not to hate some of the players, even when they play dirty and the game seems to favor those with chiseled abs and perfect pecs.
Dating has a way of humbling you fast, no matter what shape or size you are. It puts all your softest parts on display. Your hopes and insecurities. Your need to be chosen and desired.
Rejection still stings, even when you tell yourself you’re “secure” in your own skin. Even when you’ve done the work. Even when you know your worth isn’t actually up for debate. Knowing your value doesn’t make disappointment hurt less. It just means you have better language for the pain.
Being a big boy on the apps comes with its own special flavor of weird. In just the last week, I’ve had several younger chasers barking up my tree. As cute and sexy as they can be, I find myself more drawn to guys around my age, preferably with a little meat on their bones. Not a hard rule. Just a personal preference. Chemistry is complicated, and attraction rarely follows neat logic.
Like everyone else’s body, my body is meant to be enjoyed, not reduced to a category or kink. At least not all the time.
I want desire that feels mutual and human, not clinical or collectible. Still, I won’t lie, the woofs and “what’s ups” are welcome. They don’t exactly hurt my self-confidence. Attention is flattering, even when it’s imperfect.
When you’ve spent decades being told your body is too much, too soft, too wrong, being wanted can feel like proof that you finally measure up. Even if it’s shallow. Even if it’s weird. Even if part of you knows it’s not what you actually want.
So I’m learning to ask myself a simple question:
Do I feel appreciated or just consumed?
Because real body positivity, for me, isn’t about pretending everyone wants me. That’s not realistic, and it’s not the point. It’s about not letting other people’s preferences define my worth. It’s about choosing people and connections that make me feel human, not collectible.
“Bodies For Everybodies” means there’s no “right” way to look or love. It means our bodies don’t need to be explained or justified. It means we all get to simply exist, in intimacy, in dating, and in joy without constantly auditioning for approval.
Some guys will never be into me. Some guys will be way too into me for the wrong reasons. Both can be true at the same time. But neither rejection nor obsession gets to write the story I tell myself about who I am. That narrative is mine.
I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. But I’m also not a new teapot waiting to be picked, collected, or displayed. I’m more of a sugar bowl looking for connection that feels simple and sweet.
No tea. No shade.
And that’s the double truth, Ruth.
Keep calm and connect on!
Clint 🌈✌️
P.S. If you happen to know any 40 to 60 year olds in the LA area with a body like the model in this Budgy Smuggler ad (with a frisky and fun personality to match), I’m now accepting applications…and referrals. 😈😇
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MONDAY = The Sun Also Rises…
TUESDAY = Brain Drain
WEDNESDAY = Professional vs. Prosumer
THURSDAY = 'Just Friends'
FRIDAY = Momentum
SATURDAY = Love Is Love Is Love Is Love
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02-15 = Bill T. Jones (1952- ) = American choreographer, director, and dancer 🌈
02-16 = Cesar Romero (1907-1994) = American actor 🌈
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