This is a question that has gotten no small amount of airtime in therapy for me. And I know that many of my trans masc sibs wrestle with it on the daily. Thanks for unpacking it a bit here, Clint. Appreciated your doodling & noodling. 🌈🦄🌈
I’m sure you’ve come to a similar conclusion that, cis or trans, we all struggle with finding our own definitions of what makes a man a man. The first requirement in my book is a big…heart. And you, dear Keith, have that in spades. Thank you for being a friend and a Substack bro! :-)
Yes! Similar conclusion. I often say that we've all, regardless of gender identity or expression, been impaired by the rigidity of the gender binary and all its oppressive by-products. And thank you for your kind words. It takes a big heart to know one! Thank *you* for all the kindnesses, big and small that you purvey here and in the non-SS world, too. 🙏💞
I see "masculinity" and "femininity" as mainly social constructs. Some things are based on biological factors. Women grow embryos/foetuses inside them (rarely a trans man is pregnant). They produce milk, but so can men.
Other things are relative: Men are usually taller, stronger, - so are more suitably expected to deal with such physical tasks as carrying and lifting.
We have social and cultural expectations for the roles and activities of men and women. They are not absolutes. We have been brought up within these social and cultural "rules", as so we tend to subscribe to them. Cultural anthropology discovers societies that turn many of these roles and expectations on their heads. Human minds prefer to classify and categorise, often into binaries but certainly into "boxes". In addition to this preference, I tend to see the uniqueness of individuals; it has been useful in my work as a psychotherapist.
Uncle Ray, perspectives like yours have influenced and informed my own (and I’m sure many, many others). Thank you for encouraging us to be our true selves. Thank you for being a friend and more, dear. 🌈❤️✌️
Hello! Please thank the friend who urged you to share your montages -- your eye caught my attention before I ever read your words. We are all indebted to what you create day after day. When I am being my inner toddler who missed nap time, I deliberately collide with your daily words and they always guide me with a nudge or an insight or a shared temperament. This one, though, is one of the finest sentence among the best: "I see masculinity as a spectrum of expression, as wide and weird and wonderful as anything else in human nature." (Paul would be so proud to read that.). We've chatted before and after about Queer Lens at the Getty (did you get the note via post about sending you the book?). Keep on keeping. Health, Home, Happiness, Victor
VICTOR! Thank you so much for the book, my dear. I didn’t get a note with it, but now that mystery is resolved and I so appreciate your generosity. And kindness. I owe you a call and a visit. Soon. I’m getting out of town just after Thanksgiving for a week, but will be in touch after. Sending virtual hugs to you and your hubby! Cheers, love, and light.
Thanks, Michael. I like to think I’m man enough. But try not to worry too much about it. Other people’s opinions aren’t my business. I’m busy enough with own stuff. :-p Cheers!
So true that other’s opinons are “none of my business”. Back to Bette Middler “Fuck-em if they can’t take a joke!” I have and contiue to use her quote often! Fondly, Michael
I've been reading lately about how young men today are threatened by the supposed demasculinization of our culture, and how they're pushing back. It's disturbing.
I knew I was queer as far back as I can remember. I got the signals that it was not OK (although I never got those signals from my parents). I tried desperately to hide who I was, but really all I ended up doing was losing my self-esteem. At 73, I'm still working on repairing the damage. Clint, the pictures that you share fill my heart. They make me cry. And they make me smile. The world needs to see more of men embracing, with smiles on their faces. We need to see men, wherever they land on the Kinsey scale, who are comfortable in the presence of each other. Gentle strength is not an oxymoron. Thank you for this lovely work that you do. 🌈🙏🏼
Oh, David, you’ve made my day with this lovely, thoughtful comment. You’ve hit the nail on the proverbial head with the “supposed demasculinization” bullshit. I know a few people who’ve bought that line of divisiveness and challenge them to prove it. Poor dears. Easier to believe whatever they hear instead of asking themself if it’s even true. I hope your self-esteem has recovered…I wish you a long and prosperous life!
It seems to me that the most masculine thing a man can do is openly and confidently be himself in all his complex and contradictory glory. I like a guy who can sensitively weep at a sweet or sad occasion and simultaneously dare anyone to make an issue of it!
BTW, the photos you post make my heart skip a beat too
Thank you, Terry. Your comment reminds me of the time I saw Leslie Jordan in his one-man play “Like A Dog On Lineleum.” Leslie, being the ultimate storyteller and showman, had a way of turning a funny story into a poignant moment. Side-splitting one minute. Heart-breaking the next. Well, I was sitting very close to the stage when he did his magic and my waterworks opened up. After the show, I pulled myself together and was talking about the show to my friends when Leslie appeared under my arm. He was about 5’ to my 6’4” so it was quite a sight. “I saw you CRYing!” To which I burst out laughing again. That man…what a talented man. Cheers and thanks for enduring my trip down memory lane! :-)
Thanks, Tracey. I did a little research about that photo. Seems Mr. Beaton was a bit obsessed with the young man in the middle. Who wouldn’t be? I love when I can find actual context to vintage photos. Hope you’re well, dear. Cheers!
You’re naming what many men feel but seldom confess. The photos work because they reveal what culture tends to deny: men have always been tender, unconventional, contradictory, and more human than societal stereotypes suggest. Masculinity isn’t a checklist; it’s simply how you navigate the world in a body that refuses to pretend. If your version is sensitive, irritable, creative, and fully engaged, that’s not a flaw. It’s a more genuine expression than what is often labeled as “man enough.”
Thank you, Gino, for confirming some of what I’ve always felt. And luckily was taught by my dad. He was tender and tough. I try to live up to that standard of masculinity. Even if saying the word out loud does make me giggle a little. I don’t want to become one of those who feels compelled to label every part of experience. Also, I think, if you have to tell me you’re masculine, you probably have more issues than the National Geographic. And I don’t need another subscription. :-p Cheers!
Lovely thought. I was not athletic (I tried, it wasn't there) was bookish, filled with inner anguish and thoughts, never could impress anyone when I got angry that this was something to take seriously, etc., etc. And most of my close friends have been women, I was never a "man among men." Yet, I am a man, I love men. Insider/outsider. And lots of artists (many not gay) have the same kinds of discomforts. While Kinsey had an agenda, I think his idea of a spectrum wasn't far off, although that's not exactly what you're implying here. Who's a hero, then? Where can we find one? Even the sorriest expression of humanity is struggling. Heroically, even. Compassion is paramount.
Compassion is indeed paramount, dear Clarke. So many people are lonely and lost. Legacy and social media pit us against each other, as if we’re in some race to the bottom. All I know is I’m doing my best to resist the forces out of my control and some of my basic tendencies to be a cranky bitch in the midst all this chaos and nonsense. Let’s keep hope alive and keep expanding the definition of masculinity. We’re men. Whether the bro dudes like it or not. (And if they don’t like it, I’m big enough to force them into liking it. lol) Cheers!
Well Mr Clint Collide, now I know what my level of masculinity attraction is thank you very much 🤔😎😁 Oh and by the way Andy from Toy Story must be old enough now to have paid off his college loans, struggling with his mortgage payments and probably has his own tribe of little Andy's/Annette's. Could be he became an influencer too on many platforms. Jeepers how life takes on a world of it's own 😲 Cheers DougT 🇫🇴🇬🇧
I love you and your musings, dear Doug. Maybe Andy became a toy reviewer and has his own YouTube channel? I like the idea. And I like my fellow men too…similar to you, boo. :-p
This is a question that has gotten no small amount of airtime in therapy for me. And I know that many of my trans masc sibs wrestle with it on the daily. Thanks for unpacking it a bit here, Clint. Appreciated your doodling & noodling. 🌈🦄🌈
I’m sure you’ve come to a similar conclusion that, cis or trans, we all struggle with finding our own definitions of what makes a man a man. The first requirement in my book is a big…heart. And you, dear Keith, have that in spades. Thank you for being a friend and a Substack bro! :-)
Yes! Similar conclusion. I often say that we've all, regardless of gender identity or expression, been impaired by the rigidity of the gender binary and all its oppressive by-products. And thank you for your kind words. It takes a big heart to know one! Thank *you* for all the kindnesses, big and small that you purvey here and in the non-SS world, too. 🙏💞
We do the best we can with what we got. Big hearts for the win-win!
I see "masculinity" and "femininity" as mainly social constructs. Some things are based on biological factors. Women grow embryos/foetuses inside them (rarely a trans man is pregnant). They produce milk, but so can men.
Other things are relative: Men are usually taller, stronger, - so are more suitably expected to deal with such physical tasks as carrying and lifting.
We have social and cultural expectations for the roles and activities of men and women. They are not absolutes. We have been brought up within these social and cultural "rules", as so we tend to subscribe to them. Cultural anthropology discovers societies that turn many of these roles and expectations on their heads. Human minds prefer to classify and categorise, often into binaries but certainly into "boxes". In addition to this preference, I tend to see the uniqueness of individuals; it has been useful in my work as a psychotherapist.
Uncle Ray, perspectives like yours have influenced and informed my own (and I’m sure many, many others). Thank you for encouraging us to be our true selves. Thank you for being a friend and more, dear. 🌈❤️✌️
Interesting write up as well as comments!! Thanks Clint!!!
Gracias, mi amigo Larry! Cheers too…
Clint, your posts always improve my day, and keep me feeling connected. Thank you
Donald, what a sweet thing of you to say. I thank you for putting a big smile on my face this morning. And wish you a lovely day. Cheers!
Thanks Clint and Andre Gide. 🎸🎵🖤🤎🤍💜💙💚💛🧡❤🏳🌈🌈❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤍🤎🖤🎵🎸
Cheers, Steve! :-*
Cheers Sixes for your 👍 on my quip to Clint. I'm having hassles at replying to you direct again. So, if it appears I'm ignoring your 👍up--Im
not. Cheers DougT
Hello! Please thank the friend who urged you to share your montages -- your eye caught my attention before I ever read your words. We are all indebted to what you create day after day. When I am being my inner toddler who missed nap time, I deliberately collide with your daily words and they always guide me with a nudge or an insight or a shared temperament. This one, though, is one of the finest sentence among the best: "I see masculinity as a spectrum of expression, as wide and weird and wonderful as anything else in human nature." (Paul would be so proud to read that.). We've chatted before and after about Queer Lens at the Getty (did you get the note via post about sending you the book?). Keep on keeping. Health, Home, Happiness, Victor
VICTOR! Thank you so much for the book, my dear. I didn’t get a note with it, but now that mystery is resolved and I so appreciate your generosity. And kindness. I owe you a call and a visit. Soon. I’m getting out of town just after Thanksgiving for a week, but will be in touch after. Sending virtual hugs to you and your hubby! Cheers, love, and light.
"Too soft. Too emotional. Too artsy. Too sensitive." All wonderful attributes for a man, if he is man enough! Fondly, Michael
Thanks, Michael. I like to think I’m man enough. But try not to worry too much about it. Other people’s opinions aren’t my business. I’m busy enough with own stuff. :-p Cheers!
So true that other’s opinons are “none of my business”. Back to Bette Middler “Fuck-em if they can’t take a joke!” I have and contiue to use her quote often! Fondly, Michael
Oh, how I love me some Bette…she’s a good one to quote!
I've been reading lately about how young men today are threatened by the supposed demasculinization of our culture, and how they're pushing back. It's disturbing.
I knew I was queer as far back as I can remember. I got the signals that it was not OK (although I never got those signals from my parents). I tried desperately to hide who I was, but really all I ended up doing was losing my self-esteem. At 73, I'm still working on repairing the damage. Clint, the pictures that you share fill my heart. They make me cry. And they make me smile. The world needs to see more of men embracing, with smiles on their faces. We need to see men, wherever they land on the Kinsey scale, who are comfortable in the presence of each other. Gentle strength is not an oxymoron. Thank you for this lovely work that you do. 🌈🙏🏼
Oh, David, you’ve made my day with this lovely, thoughtful comment. You’ve hit the nail on the proverbial head with the “supposed demasculinization” bullshit. I know a few people who’ve bought that line of divisiveness and challenge them to prove it. Poor dears. Easier to believe whatever they hear instead of asking themself if it’s even true. I hope your self-esteem has recovered…I wish you a long and prosperous life!
It seems to me that the most masculine thing a man can do is openly and confidently be himself in all his complex and contradictory glory. I like a guy who can sensitively weep at a sweet or sad occasion and simultaneously dare anyone to make an issue of it!
BTW, the photos you post make my heart skip a beat too
Thank you, Terry. Your comment reminds me of the time I saw Leslie Jordan in his one-man play “Like A Dog On Lineleum.” Leslie, being the ultimate storyteller and showman, had a way of turning a funny story into a poignant moment. Side-splitting one minute. Heart-breaking the next. Well, I was sitting very close to the stage when he did his magic and my waterworks opened up. After the show, I pulled myself together and was talking about the show to my friends when Leslie appeared under my arm. He was about 5’ to my 6’4” so it was quite a sight. “I saw you CRYing!” To which I burst out laughing again. That man…what a talented man. Cheers and thanks for enduring my trip down memory lane! :-)
I absolutely love that photograph of Cecil Beaton. What a wonderful image of beautiful friendship and joy.
Thanks, Tracey. I did a little research about that photo. Seems Mr. Beaton was a bit obsessed with the young man in the middle. Who wouldn’t be? I love when I can find actual context to vintage photos. Hope you’re well, dear. Cheers!
You’re naming what many men feel but seldom confess. The photos work because they reveal what culture tends to deny: men have always been tender, unconventional, contradictory, and more human than societal stereotypes suggest. Masculinity isn’t a checklist; it’s simply how you navigate the world in a body that refuses to pretend. If your version is sensitive, irritable, creative, and fully engaged, that’s not a flaw. It’s a more genuine expression than what is often labeled as “man enough.”
Thank you, Gino, for confirming some of what I’ve always felt. And luckily was taught by my dad. He was tender and tough. I try to live up to that standard of masculinity. Even if saying the word out loud does make me giggle a little. I don’t want to become one of those who feels compelled to label every part of experience. Also, I think, if you have to tell me you’re masculine, you probably have more issues than the National Geographic. And I don’t need another subscription. :-p Cheers!
Lovely thought. I was not athletic (I tried, it wasn't there) was bookish, filled with inner anguish and thoughts, never could impress anyone when I got angry that this was something to take seriously, etc., etc. And most of my close friends have been women, I was never a "man among men." Yet, I am a man, I love men. Insider/outsider. And lots of artists (many not gay) have the same kinds of discomforts. While Kinsey had an agenda, I think his idea of a spectrum wasn't far off, although that's not exactly what you're implying here. Who's a hero, then? Where can we find one? Even the sorriest expression of humanity is struggling. Heroically, even. Compassion is paramount.
Compassion is indeed paramount, dear Clarke. So many people are lonely and lost. Legacy and social media pit us against each other, as if we’re in some race to the bottom. All I know is I’m doing my best to resist the forces out of my control and some of my basic tendencies to be a cranky bitch in the midst all this chaos and nonsense. Let’s keep hope alive and keep expanding the definition of masculinity. We’re men. Whether the bro dudes like it or not. (And if they don’t like it, I’m big enough to force them into liking it. lol) Cheers!
Well Mr Clint Collide, now I know what my level of masculinity attraction is thank you very much 🤔😎😁 Oh and by the way Andy from Toy Story must be old enough now to have paid off his college loans, struggling with his mortgage payments and probably has his own tribe of little Andy's/Annette's. Could be he became an influencer too on many platforms. Jeepers how life takes on a world of it's own 😲 Cheers DougT 🇫🇴🇬🇧
I love you and your musings, dear Doug. Maybe Andy became a toy reviewer and has his own YouTube channel? I like the idea. And I like my fellow men too…similar to you, boo. :-p
😎😁👍 Go Andy Go