Early last year, an internet friend challenged me to start posting my “little slideshows” on YouTube. I had been creating them as a kind of art therapy (and honestly, just for fun) for a while. I didn’t fully understand why I felt compelled to make them, only that something in me needed to.
The montages were, and still are, collections of photos of men who simply caught my eye. Mostly vintage photos and snapshots of men I found handsome and/or intriguing. Men who were gay, bi, straight, trans, and everything in between. Men just being men. Men laughing. Men posing. Men posturing. Men embracing each other with a softness the world so often tries to squeeze out of us.
I did not set out with a grand thesis about masculinity. I was just collecting pictures that made my heart skip a beat. But somewhere along the way, I realized I was also asking old questions that have followed me like a shadow since childhood:
What even is masculinity?
And who gets to decide what makes a man a man?
Growing up, I was told I would never be “enough” of a man to qualify for the role. Too soft. Too emotional. Too artsy. Too sensitive. Too whatever.
I knew it was all bullshit, but when enough people repeat the same bullshit, you start wondering who’s bullshitting who. Was I ever going to be “man enough?” What does that even mean? And why do strangers get a vote on the matter?
Because on paper, I check a lot of the boxes. I have the male pattern baldness. I have the hirsute body of an out-of-shape Wookie. I have the anger-management skills of a toddler who missed nap time. Doesn’t that make me a man? Or at least “masculine”?
And yet, I am also very much in touch with my “feminine” side. Especially emotionally.
Most of my dears and nears are women or fellow gay guys who aren’t afraid to “go there,” whether “there” means talking about feelings, childhood wounds, or whatever spiritual homework the universe assigns.
If masculinity requires one to be a stoic and unshakeable, well, I missed that memo a long time ago.
What I keep circling back to is this simple truth: Masculinity is not a monolith. It is not a checklist. It is not a test you pass or fail. It is not a tone of voice or a body type or a haircut or a hobby.
I see masculinity as a spectrum of expression, as wide and weird and wonderful as anything else in human nature. And yet, we still cling to those dusty old rules about how “real men” look or act or talk. Some even want to debate and hate about it. But not this guy…I’m here to celebrate all kinds of men. In all our ages and stages.
Which is why I keep returning to those photos. They remind me that men have always been more tender, more playful, more sensitive, more silly, more complicated, and more beautifully human than our cultural stereotypes make room for.
Even in eras when the world told men to hide their softness, the frozen moments they left behind captured it anyway. Even in years when vulnerability was a liability, you can still find men looking into the lens with a quiet honesty that disarms me to this day.
Maybe that is what draws me in. The humanity. The contradictions. The tiny gestures that say, “I am more than one thing.” Because I am too. And you probably are as well.
So, what makes a man a man? I am still doodling and noodling on that one. But here is what I know: Being a man is not about being tough all the time. Or being strong all the time. Or being right all the time.
Being a man is simply being a person who gets to take up space in whatever way feels true. Someone who gets to feel things deeply. Someone who gets to grow and change without being punished or shamed for it.
Maybe masculinity is just one flavor of being human. And like any flavor, it tastes a little different depending on the recipe and ingredients you choose.
If being a man means being curious, creative, sensitive, hairy, cranky, messy, and always willing to show up with your whole self, then I’m man enough…for me anyway.
If you ever question if you’re “masculine” enough, please know…I see you. You’re not alone. And you’ve always been more than enough of a man, boo.
Keep calm and man on!
Clint 🌈✌️
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It seems to me that the most masculine thing a man can do is openly and confidently be himself in all his complex and contradictory glory. I like a guy who can sensitively weep at a sweet or sad occasion and simultaneously dare anyone to make an issue of it!
BTW, the photos you post make my heart skip a beat too
You’re naming what many men feel but seldom confess. The photos work because they reveal what culture tends to deny: men have always been tender, unconventional, contradictory, and more human than societal stereotypes suggest. Masculinity isn’t a checklist; it’s simply how you navigate the world in a body that refuses to pretend. If your version is sensitive, irritable, creative, and fully engaged, that’s not a flaw. It’s a more genuine expression than what is often labeled as “man enough.”